In October 2024, Trevor Russel reported on the UK’s hidden army of unpaid, undervalued carers. I wanted to go beyond the stark statistics and discover what this means to unpaid carers I know.
I asked my friends to talk about the issues that they face. Names have been changed for privacy reasons. I asked them how we can help them individually and offer ideas that we can all implement to help.
A carer’s pressure pot: Lucy’s story
Lucy’s words explain her circumstances more eloquently than I can.
“I was plunged into my caring role overnight when my mum passed away in 2020. I gave up work altogether with no timescale for going back. For the first four months I moved out of my family home from my partner and my son (who was four at the time), to live with dad and care around the clock, only returning at 5am each day to get him ready for school and do the school run, which was the only time I saw him back then.
“I organised a care package for dad, and go home in the evenings and overnight, but this only lasted for so long as it took all but £9,000 of his inheritance and savings.
“We now have no help at all. It’s taken me four years, but I’m now at a point where I can work. Carers’ allowance would be life-changing, but as it’s means-tested I can only earn £124 a week, so the most I can earn is stuck at just over £800 a month.
“As a head chef, my caring responsibilities mean I can no longer pursue my career. I’m limited to working part-time hours in two jobs. With unpaid caring hours I work over 60 hours a week most weeks, with no rest time, except an hour stolen here or there once a week, just to sit in the quiet alone.
“My family time is often split, and the responsibility of looking after two houses and sets of finances is worrisome and overwhelming at times.
“There is little to no support from local services, no carers’ assessments since 2020, (where I was labelled at risk of complete carer breakdown). I have entirely given up engaging with them; they only seem to want to cover their backs.”
Forced to the financial brink: Jenny’s story
Jenny gave this account:
“My mother’s disabilities began when we were both working. She developed early onset arthritis and needed multiple surgeries on her knees and shoulders.
“After a double knee operation, I had to start nursing her. During that period, as she was unable to work, she lost her job and tied cottage. We had to find somewhere to live: not a fun time.
“The council misled us into believing housing benefit would cover the rent. We found a little place near a doctor’s surgery, but found out later that housing benefit would not cover it all. We’ve been stuck in a cycle of debt ever since.
“My mother’s health deteriorated dramatically due to stress and misery. She was soon hospitalised again, originally incorrectly diagnosed as having dementia. I had to fight consultants, nurses and even my family, to get them to believe it wasn’t dementia, and to get her home.
“Eventually she was released into my care. I was supposed to have two nurses at the house daily, as she was completely incapacitated, but they released her to me and cancelled the home help. It was hell.
“She was stuck in a delirium for nearly a year and had constant UTIs [urinary tract infections] and chest infections. She didn’t know who I was. Eventually she came back; her memory is damaged though.
“My days revolve around her insulin, medication, meals, and everything else she needs. She can’t really walk; I have to do pretty much everything. My hip is not great unfortunately, and my mobility scooter gave up the ghost about six months ago.
“We have medical equipment here: a lifting cushion, blood pressure monitors, insulin in the fridge etc, yet I can’t afford the electricity. I just had a bill for £2500 for three months’ electric and gas; I don’t have it. They want £500pm for direct debits, it’s insane. I’m considering making mum bankrupt as it’s in her name. (Another carer I spoke to recounted to me the embarrassment her father felt over bankruptcy for exactly this).
“So constant stresses. Carers’ Allowance is literally a pittance, and I work every hour 24/7. I’d hoped a Labour government would start to alleviate some of the pressure, but nothing has improved unfortunately.”
Deserted yet so deserving
A common thread with the half dozen I spoke to, is the overwhelming sense of feeling abandoned, isolated and being stigmatised by authorities. That’s on top of gruelling workloads, and their physical and emotional pressures. Recent rises in energy have been devastating financially, on top of food prices. Those who still have pets from before becoming carers, find pet food exorbitant, but won’t abandon ‘family’.
As I type this, Chancellor Rachel Reeves is writing in The Sun about her plans to cut the Sickness Benefit budget. Affected friends of mine are currently posting on social media how, as long-term sick people, they are feeling targeted, vulnerable and vilified.
In my humble view, they all deserve so much better.
Simple steps to help our carers
I asked my friends what we can do to help them. Here are their suggestions.
Firstly, we can lobby our MPs to tell them support for unpaid carers is high on our agenda and raise it as a priority issue. We need to campaign to give governments a sense of urgency and that inaction will have consequences at the ballot box. Closer parity to Universal Credit would be a start. (A friend suggested dumping relatives at number 11 for a day, but perhaps this is too militant!).
Secondly, we can contact carers regularly to check in, to give them an opportunity to vent, and simply show them they are not invisible, forgotten and alone.
Thirdly, small offers of practical help go a long way. We may not be able to help financially but asking a carer about practical ways to help can lift spirits and lessen the pressure. Tiny pieces of financial help can be symbolic too: helping them out with a tin of pet food sends a message. A friend of mine was helped by being gifted a cheap microwave, to reduce cooking costs.
Using your own skills can help. As an HR professional I was able to advise pro bono a carer whose employer was not following employment law for part-time workers.
We can all show that we care and demonstrate to our friends they are not alone and abandoned. I’m going to do my bit!
