Young men are facing a difficult world; social media is awash with disturbing influences. It has been much in the news recently as a result of cases like that of the Hunt family and the acclaimed Netflix series Adolescence. However, it should not have taken a TV series or a tragedy where almost an entire family was wiped out for us, as a society, to address what has been around for a long time.
One in three women have experienced gender-based violence globally and one in four women have been raped or sexually assaulted since the age of 16 in the UK alone. These statistics are terrifying in that it’s possible that someone you know may have been a victim.
The pernicious influence of incel social media on young men
This is an epidemic sweeping not only the UK but also the world. It’s not one that can be cured by a vaccine. It’s not one that you can see or has obvious symptoms. It doesn’t turn up coughing and sneezing. It is spread partly by the incel movement as we have seen in the series Adolescence.
Incel stands for ‘involuntary celibate’. It’s a group of men who have extreme ideologies surrounding women. They blame women for all the problems in their lives and feel that no woman has the right to reject them. This isn’t a normal reaction to rejection. It is visceral: “How dare they refuse me; how dare they deny me what is rightfully mine?”
People like Andrew Tate, the self-proclaimed misogynist, are radicalising our nation’s young men and boys, not through secret meetings down at the local youth centre but through their phones via TikTok and other social media platforms and forums. A whole language has been created out of emojis for incels to identify each other.
We must address the elephant in the room – what is your son watching? What does he have access to? What is he being exposed to? How do we counter the things they are being told?
Rape: how society treats offenders and victims
We’ve often heard the saying that rape is not about sex; it’s about power. Rape has often been used to take control over women. It is used in warfare to force citizens to submit. It’s the ultimate way to take full control over a person and destroy them, both physically and mentally.
Survivors of rape and sexual violence feel immense guilt, something which society often feeds into. What were you wearing? Had you been drinking? You invited him round to your house? You must have led him on.
All too often men in positions of power are allowed to get away with it. Recently a doctor was found by a tribunal to have raped a woman at his home and the tribunal failed to strike him off for what they called a “one-off” event. We have an adjudicated rapist in the White House. We have him meeting with another adjudicated rapist, Connor McGregor. Neither man has been truly held to account for their actions. They’ve had civil suits finding against them but what have they actually lost? Their careers? Their status? No, they just carry on with their lives and yet their victims have had everything taken away from them.
What can we do?
Society is failing these young men and boys but most importantly, it’s failing women and girls. We need to teach our sons respect. We need to hold to account those who fuel this. I am struck that the Andrew Tates of this world are never put on trial for the part they play in the actions of those they have radicalised. Not long ago Nigel Farage claimed Tate was an important voice for men.
Our young men and boys are being fed this extreme ideology often without their parents, friends or teachers knowing. They are also being fed violent, extreme pornography which is alarmingly easy for them to access and which is giving them unrealistic expectations of relationships, on what women should be and how they should behave.
As I sit here and write this I don’t know what the answer is, I just know we need to, as a society, talk about it openly and honestly. We need to look inwards and work out what we do, what we have done, and have we done enough? We need to stop platforming powerful men and hold them to account.
For our sisters, our daughters, mothers and our friends, we need to do something.
