25 November is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, a day that emphasises the gender-based fear that women experience. For men, a bruised ego or public humiliation is often the extent of their worries in social interactions. For women, however, the stakes feel infinitely higher.
A man’s feelings of rejection, anger, or even discomfort can quickly spiral into something far more dangerous. The simple act of a woman saying ‘no’ can lead to gender-based violence, as seen in numerous tragic stories across the world.
Gender-based fear: women fear for their life
It’s an all too familiar feeling for many women. You’re walking down a dimly lit street, and a wave of anxiety washes over you. Your heart pounds as you catch a furtive glance behind, seeing a figure walking just a few steps away. A chill creeps up your spine as you instinctively quicken your pace, reaching into your bag and slipping your house keys between your fingers — a makeshift weapon, just in case.
Every second stretches painfully long, but eventually, the figure continues past your turn, disappearing into the night. A wave of relief surges through you. Still, when you finally get inside, it takes a moment to realise you’ve been clutching those keys so tightly they’ve left deep marks on your skin.
Gender-based violence now an epidemic
This scenario is painfully common for women everywhere. It’s not just the dark streets — it’s the endless tightrope women walk in social situations, navigating unwanted attention with caution.
Margaret Atwood captured this unsettling reality of women’s fear in her now-famous comparison from her book Second Words: “Why do men feel threatened by women? […] They’re afraid women will laugh at them […] Why do women feel threatened by men? […] They’re afraid of being killed.”
This isn’t to say that men don’t experience fear or danger, but the type of fear is often different. The statistics surrounding gender-based violence are harrowing. According to a NPCC report published in July, gender-based violence is growing to an ‘epidemic scale’. The majority of violent crimes and assaults on women are committed by men.
As a result, women have learned, through generations of social conditioning and real-world experience, to be hyper-aware of their surroundings, to consider every potential risk and develop subtle defence mechanisms. From holding keys like weapons to sending ‘safe arrival’ texts to friends, women are constantly managing gender-based fear. The very same streets, bars and public spaces feel drastically different based on the body you inhabit and the history that comes with it.
What men can do to make women feel safer
While society as a whole needs to address gender-based fear and gender-based violence, there are practical steps men can take to help women feel safer and more at ease in public spaces. These small actions can make a significant difference and show a conscious effort to reduce the discomfort and fear women often feel.
1 Keep your distance: If you find yourself walking behind a woman at night, especially on a quiet or dimly lit street, be mindful of the space between you. Keeping a respectful distance reduces the chances of her feeling threatened.
2 Stay visible in well-lit areas: If you’re walking on the same side of the road, try to stay in the light rather than moving through darkened areas. Staying visible can help alleviate any sense of lurking or unpredictability.
3 Cross the street: One of the most effective gestures is to cross to the other side of the street if possible. This simple action can immediately reduce tension, as it signals you are not following her and gives her the space to feel less on edge.
4 Avoid sudden movements: When passing someone on a quiet street, avoid making sudden or sharp movements that might startle them. Walk calmly and deliberately, and if you need to overtake them, try to do so at a steady pace.
5 Respect personal space in public transport: On buses, trains, or in queues, it’s important to respect a woman’s personal space. If seats are available, consider choosing one that gives her room to feel comfortable. Even in crowded areas, avoiding unnecessary physical contact can help ease discomfort.
6 Be mindful of social interactions: If you’re engaging in a conversation with a woman, especially in a bar or public setting, pay attention to her body language and verbal cues. If she seems uncomfortable or uninterested, it’s crucial to respect that and disengage rather than press on.
7 Offer help without being overbearing: If you see a woman in a potentially unsafe situation — perhaps being followed or harassed — offering help is often appreciated. But it’s important to be tactful. For example, you might ask if she’d like you to walk her to her destination or if she needs assistance without forcing your presence.
8 Challenge inappropriate behaviour: If you see a friend or stranger harassing or intimidating a woman, don’t stay silent. Speaking up not only helps the immediate situation but contributes to changing the culture around gender-based violence and harassment.
Towards a future with no more fear
The question of safety for women in public spaces and beyond is deeply rooted in historical and cultural gender imbalances.
Addressing this disparity starts with honest conversations, mutual respect, and fostering a safer environment for everyone. Awareness is the first step, but meaningful change requires active participation — from men and women alike — in challenging harmful behaviours and creating safer public spaces.
Atwood’s quote is a sad reflection of the current state of the world, but it doesn’t have to remain true. With collective effort and conscious change, we can work towards a society where neither men nor women walk the streets in fear of each other.
