This article was republished for International Women’s Day 2026 to highlight the incredible women of Bylines Network
Too many children are still being misunderstood, dismissed, or even punished, not because they’ve done anything wrong, but because their needs haven’t been recognised. Autism doesn’t always look the way people expect it to, and that’s where our systems so often fall short.
One of the biggest and most persistent problems is underdiagnosis, especially among girls.
Girls with autism are frequently missed by teachers, GPs, and specialists. From a young age, many learn to mask their differences, copying their peers, staying quiet, doing everything they can to blend in. On the surface, they may appear to be coping. But behind the mask, many are anxious, overwhelmed, and exhausted from trying to navigate a world that often feels confusing and intense. That is why I have asked the Department of Education to make autism questionnaires fully inclusive.
The cost of being overlooked: when autism goes unrecognised
Because they’re not disruptive, their distress is often overlooked. They’re called shy, sensitive, emotional, or perfectionist. And so, they go without the understanding and support they desperately need, sometimes for years. I’ve spoken with parents whose daughters were only diagnosed in their teens or even adulthood. For many, the diagnosis brought relief – finally, a way to understand years of difficulty. But it also brought grief for all the time lost and support never received.
When a child is undiagnosed, their needs are left unmet. And too often, those unmet needs are treated as bad behaviour.
I’ve heard from families whose children were disciplined or excluded from school simply for being autistic in a world that doesn’t yet fully accept difference. Children who are overwhelmed by noise, bright lights, or confusing social situations may struggle to sit still, follow instructions, or regulate their emotions. But instead of being supported, they’re sent out of class. Put in isolation. Sometimes even suspended.
It is heartbreaking, and completely avoidable.
Building a system that sees every child
We need to stop expecting children to change in order to fit systems that weren’t designed with them in mind. Instead, we must change those systems to recognise and celebrate the diversity of the children we serve.
That starts with better awareness, not just of neurodiversity and autism in general, but of the many different ways it can present. Every teacher and teaching assistant, every GP, every school leader should have the tools and training to spot the early signs of autism in all children, not just those who fit a traditional or textbook profile.
We must also fix the diagnostic process. Families are facing agonising waits, often years, just to have their child assessed. In the meantime, those children are struggling in silence. They are being labelled as difficult, disruptive, or “not trying hard enough”, when in fact they are doing their very best just to get through the day.
Let’s also remember that a diagnosis shouldn’t be the only route to support. If a child is showing signs of distress, if they are clearly struggling to cope or learn or feel safe in school, we should respond with care and flexibility rather than paperwork and delay.
Behaviour is communication
Above all, we need a cultural shift, one that recognises that behaviour is communication. That a meltdown is not misbehaviour. That every child deserves to be seen, heard, and supported as the person they truly are.
No child should have to earn our understanding. No child should be punished for being different.
This month is dedicated to accepting and embracing autism. I want to say to every child who has felt unseen, to every parent who has had to fight to get their child noticed, and to every teacher doing their best with too few resources, I will keep fighting for a system that works for you.
Friends of Bylines Network
There has never been a greater need for grassroots journalism that investigates the stories that really matter, holds power to account and champions the voices of everyday citizens. We are proudly powered by volunteers but what we do isn’t free.
STAND WITH US for independent, citizen-led journalism that makes democracy stronger, and you will even get some exclusive benefits.
