We don’t know the type of cancer the Princess of Wales received treatment for. It is actually none of our business and I’m glad that the media appeared to respect her decision to keep it secret. What is relevant, though, is the commonality of all cancer patients in the transition from treatment to post-treatment and how that often gets lost in all the ‘now get on with the rest of your life’ stuff.
It is an easy thing to say and not nearly so easy to do. Hard choices that have been made to save one’s life may have repercussions many years down the line.
Cancer recovery – a necessary conversation
I remember, a long while ago now, walking along a beach with one of my dearest friends, our young children ahead of us scuffing the surf and ferreting for crabs amongst the rockpools. We were talking, she and I, about the future. Both of us were still only in our thirties and had just completed long courses of chemotherapy.
It was certainly not a conversation we ever expected to be having, but it was a necessary one and it helped. It really did help. My friend and I had different forms of breast cancer and we understood the possible consequences of surgery and long-term drug intervention, physically and psychologically, for the future.
You see, we both knew that the completion of a course of cancer treatment was not simply the signing off of a difficult and challenging period in our lives. Realistically, there was no magic switch to make life become rosy again (should it have been that way before), and there were issues that needed to be spoken about honestly and empathetically with a trusted confidant, who is not always one’s spouse or partner.
Post-cancer life – some observations
In a bid to help with an understanding about post-cancer life, I can only offer some insight into what I have patched together over the past three decades. First of all, your body needs time to fix itself and this does not happen overnight. More than anything, try to be kind to yourself and be patient.
Depending on the type of cancer you have, the healing process takes its own time and shape, and if you can assist its progress by improving your diet and exercise regime, then more to the good. My left breast, as it was, did not take so very long to actually heal in a physical sense, but I came to understand (and accept) that I will forever be, in all honesty, symmetrically challenged. That process of acceptance took a lot longer than I imagined it ever would.
Life can look very different after cancer. Having to acknowledge one’s mortality is not a thought we tend to visit every day, but it does concentrate the mind when we think of what might be lost to us. Priorities can change and the ‘small stuff’ becomes just that – small stuff. On the other hand, if you have young children then of course you want to see them grow into adulthood with fulfilling and happy enough lives. If you think about your own life being cut short then the way you view the world (and behave in it) comes into sharper focus – if you have something that needs to be put right then maybe it is time for making amends.
Talking – and writing
As I alluded to earlier, the opportunity to discuss difficult problems with someone I trusted (there’s that word again) felt like a gift. My friend and I shared conversations together that I believe only two women might understand, and when we couldn’t find a way to help each other we sought counselling from an independent professional cancer therapist – something that was regularly stigmatised at the time, but is now readily accepted for its bona fide contribution towards invaluable mental health.
Finally, it will come as no great surprise to admit that most of my emotional healing has come through putting my thoughts down on paper. Indeed, the act of writing arrived with me as a kind of catharsis, although most of the emotionally angry pieces that I wrote at the beginning were rightly scrunched up and binned. No-one ever needs to see your innermost thoughts, but it can be therapeutic if they are voiced silently on a blank page. And if that doesn’t work, there are other ways too of allowing the healing process to get on with its job.
The Princess of Wales needs time
As the Princess of Wales returns to her public duties with their multitude of specific stresses and expectations, she should be allowed the same space and respect that she was given throughout the days of her actual treatment. She has shown that she already knows her own limitations and vulnerabilities and will no doubt value the benevolence that she has been shown already. I’m convinced that involvement in her chosen charities is one way that her own healing process will progress; and time of course – one of the greatest healers of all.
