As an ex- police officer, I admit that away from the thrill of the blue light runs, policing was occasionally routine and mind-numbingly boring. When the spikes of emergency were inevitably followed by periods of calm, there was space for shenanigans.
I therefore find many police dramas mildly irritating. It’s normally the process issues that make my teeth grind, such as a uniformed officer standing guard at the interview room door as the heroic plain-clothed detectives place the hapless suspect in checkmate. With custody alarms readily available to summon assistance, this waste of a resource never happened and neither was it all down to the Criminal Investigation Department (CID) to wrap up the case. Coercive and intrusive questioning that rides roughshod over the Police and Criminal Evidence Act 1984 is another misrepresentation of operational policing.
Depiction of police on TV sometimes gets it right
Of course there are some TV shows that, in my opinion, hit the sweet spot; where the cut-and-thrust of the criminal justice system, as experienced by those at the front end, is fused together with important relationships, human reactions and ruses.
The Bill aired on ITV from October 1984 to August 2010, spanning 26 series and over 2,400 episodes, and was a firm favourite of mine. The sitcom Rosie aired on BBC1 from January 1977 to October 1981, spanning four series and 27 episodes and also features highly in my list of all-time greats as it perfectly captured the fun times and characterised some of the plonkers I worked with ‒ I’m sure many would say the same about me.
More recently, I have been captivated by the latest series of Blue Lights (BBC) that elegantly fused together the unique policing environment of Belfast with the human story of camaraderie, chaos and capers. This latest iteration of the police story reminded me of the times when I activated the blue light – but not necessarily in the event of a truly defined public emergency!
Humorous blue light capers revealed
As I stand at the precipice of disclosure, I am reassured that the following antics occurred before I hung up my baton for the last time in 2004, well before the enactment of The Policing and Crime Act 2017 and updated Police Conduct Regulations, which allow disciplinary action against former officers. The rule of law is on my side too in that it prevents retrospective penalties. Phew!
So here are a couple of my more memorable blue light capers:
I attended a false alarm at the Running Horse pub in Bracknell, Berkshire, and as I spoke to the embarrassed landlord, I felt my guts churning. Was I coming down with some lurgy, or was it simply the culmination of several late nights and seven early turns on the bounce? Whatever the reason, I instinctively knew that I needed to sit on the throne and explode. Rather than humiliate myself at the Runner, I blue-lighted it back to the nick – just in time!
Some years later, as an Inspector at Slough, I was invited to talk at a team day held at a local mosque . I arrived to a line of police boots neatly lined up outside. Again, my stomach turned as I processed my predicament: I was wearing white socks with holes in! I immediately put the blues on and raced to the nearby ASDA for some black ones. Now a real emergency, as I was late, I then blue-lighted it back to the scene..
Former police colleagues share ‘emergency’ antics
Encouraging some of my more liberal (and gracefully retired) former colleagues to share, I was pleased to note that I wasn’t the only one who had found themselves in this tempting position. Offering up the requisite anonymity us journalists have at our disposal, they kindly made their blue light revelations.
In 1991, ‘Bob’ was a plain-clothed officer on the Protection Group. Whilst working a night shift at Windsor undertaking rehearsals for a series of forthcoming Royal events, including the Windsor Horse Trials, he received the call that his wife had gone into labour with their first child. As soon as the road closures lifted, he stuck the blue light on the dashboard of the 1600cc unmarked Cavalier and headed off tout de suite to Milton Keynes Hospital. He arrived with ten minutes to spare before the little fella popped out.
Elsewhere, ‘Bert’ was in an unmarked transit van with a colleague when he saw his wife out and about in their car. Deciding, for a chuckle, to pull her over, he activated the blue lights, and she immediately sped off! A follow ensued, blue lights still on, until his crewmate told him to cease the pursuit as it was becoming embarrassing given the fact she was pulling away!
The stark contrast of today’s policing: blue lights signal a true emergency
As I prepare to book 9-5 at ‘Charlie Hotel’ (off-duty at Bracknell), this nostalgic trip reminds me that back in the 1980s and 90s policing was very different from that of today, and those that joined the thin blue line back then were – putting it mildly – slightly eccentric. And maybe then, without mobile phones and body cams, we could be. Nowadays, it’s a whole different landscape.
So, if you see blue lights ahead of you or in your rear-view mirror, simply slow down safely and take the appropriate action since someone somewhere is awaiting their help.
Over and out!
