I have always been a fan of Alan Bennett’s combination of acute observation and affectionate humanity in his writings. I sat down to read this account of his family with high expectations and was not disappointed.
Bennett begins A Life Like Other People’s with a meeting where he and his father are being interviewed by a welfare officer about his mother’s hospitalisation for depression. “Mam” has developed this later in life, and it becomes a common occurrence in Bennett’s adult years, beginning when his parents moved after retirement to a village, leaving the city of Leeds behind.
How the Bennett family live with Mam’s depression
Their original belief is that this depression is a temporary phenomenon caused by the upheaval of the move, but it proves to be a defining theme in his parents’ later years. Bennett describes his mother’s depression and additional paranoias that eventually lead to her admission to a mental hospital.
He describes her stay and his father’s devotion making a daily round trip of a hundred miles to visit his wife. The meeting with the welfare officer is part of a bid to get her transferred to a closer hospital.
Bennett also describes his ancestry and some family history on both his mother’s and father’s side. One story I particularly enjoyed was the realisation that there were no pictures of his parents’ wedding. He goes on to explain the reason for this … I’m not going to give any spoilers, but kudos to a supportive vicar who could have been pompous yet instead identified an ingenious solution to a problem with the wedding ceremony.
Bennett describes his mother fondly, talking about her interest in antiques, and her collection of rather battered items as treasured objects. This links to a theme underlying much family behaviour – the desire to be a little “classy” and not “common”.
Depression shows a brief improvement
As part of her treatment, Mam was subjected to electroconvulsive therapy. While now largely considered inappropriate, this did appear to have some positive effect in her case. She improved to the point of being able to go back home for a trial weekend, where she was able to wage her “war against dirt”, a natural pursuit for any proud housewife of her time and milieu.
I particularly liked the explanation of the multiple types of buckets and cloths, each with a mysterious function impenetrable to the outsider (including his dad, who frequently used the “wrong cloth”, requiring its complete replacement).
Bennett describes the half dozen or so “episodes” of hospitalisation between his mum’s first stay and the death of his father eight years later.
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The Bennett family’s loaded language
An aspect of the book which I particularly enjoyed is Bennett’s observations about the words that family members use and their significance. This includes his father’s two suits: “my suit” and “my other suit”. Dad lives most of his married life in these suits and although he tries a brief foray into casual wear after being retired for a while, this doesn’t last long!
Another example I loved was the difference interpreted by the extended family between an “aunt” and an “auntie”. Again, I offer no spoiler, but it’s fascinating to see the deep gulf in meaning between the interpretation of these two words.
Mother and father in search of a social life
I enjoyed too the description of his parents’ attempt to socialise more, which as teetotallers involved investment in a bottle of sherry to offer guests (including the vicar at 10 am). Bennett’s eye for the tiny detail is faultless. He describes his parents’ fascination with nibbles including cocktail sausages and cheese served on sticks, which they regard as the height of sophistication. He talks about their later increasing withdrawal from socialising with others, giving up going to church due to the introduction of discussion groups after the service.
His father soon dies of a heart attack, and Bennett describes his last visits to see him, reflecting a guilty concern that he may have been a contributing factor.
Bennetts frown on aunties’ antics
The story switches to two aunties (not aunts!), Kathleen and Myra, the sisters of Bennett’s mother. Both work as shop assistants and are described in the family as “ladies of misrule”. Untrammelled by marriage (so far), they are freer spirits and perform an important role, gently defying the conventions of the rest of the family and fostering seeds of rebellion with their nephews and nieces.
When the Second World War starts, Auntie Myra enlists in the WAAF (Women’s Auxiliary Air Force) and enjoys the glamour of international travel, while the older Auntie Kathleen has to stay home as breadwinner for her mum and gets no further than being active in the local St John Ambulance Brigade.
On return from the war, Myra soon marries a man from the RAF (Royal Air Force) and resumes her globe-trotting. There is an amusing anecdote during a visit to grandma on Christmas Day when mealtimes are disrupted by the newlyweds having sex upstairs. Myra’s marriage is sadly curtailed by tragedy.
Kathleen then surprises everyone when, on the verge of retirement, she unexpectedly marries an Australian widower and begins her own set of international travels. On their return to live in Morecambe, Kathleen eventually develops dementia and is hospitalised. She dies in tragic circumstances and Bennett writes movingly of participating in the search for her and being the one to find her body.
An honest memoir one can connect with
I could go on, but let’s look at the memoir overall. Alan Bennett’s skill is his accuracy in describing the aspirations, beliefs and assumptions that govern the family and as a result his upbringing. Growing up personally in an Irish Catholic family, I can identify many parallels in my own upbringing, especially the desire to fit in, the fear of “being common”, and the internal family and societal norms which were unwritten commandments governing our conduct.
In describing family characters, he strikes a fine line between being accurate in his descriptions of family members (good and bad) without ever being overly judgemental. His pen pictures are honest yet affectionate. He is also honest about his own shortcomings, both while growing up and as an adult.
Alan Bennett’s memoir is a highly relatable tale of a working-class upbringing in Leeds. He succeeds in presenting an affectionate and relatable picture of his extended family and their mores. I expected an enjoyable read and this book delivered it, jogging a few memories as well.
