Hard man Bridgen picks water fight

Andrew Bridgen MP has suggested to David Frost, the new minister for negotiating the post-Brexit Trade and Co-operation Agreement with the EU, that we retaliate against the French rejection of British shellfish exports by banning the import of Perrier water from France. He is either being frivolous with ministerial time or laughably serious.

 Oh Andrew you’re a caution with your bellicosity
 Your skin’s so thin it’s of a piece with your transparency 
 The French seem to have got under it, that’s very plain to see 
 But you’re the man to handle un tel contretemps, mais oui.
  
 You’re every inch a Brexiter who’s quick to see a sleight
 Should anyone in the EU do what’s within their right
 Especially rights you voted for (you’re clearly not that bright)
 You’d blame la Tour Eiffel for taking southern British light. 
  
 The reason why the French won’t take our shellfish is porque
 Most grow in British seas so foul that they are turned away
 Unless, like all third countries, we show paperwork to say  
 They’re pristine stock or grungy ones from just across the bay.
  
 To get safe molluscs on their plates in Paris or Madrid
 Our EU partners must clean up ce que we never did
 They cleanse our shellfish in big tanks and even take our squid
 We Brits don’t eat much ‘British fish’. For profit, we’d get rid.
  
 You are a man who never cared about the truth one jot
 In fact you have a genius for being a mega clot
 Perhaps you have a shellfish where your brain is clearly not?
 Your Brexit’s why our ‘British fish’ sits on the quay to rot.
  
 When standing up it’s hard to tell if you’re not sitting down
 To scare the French you must do more than don a Bridgen frown 
 Your plan to ban Perrier imports confirms you’re quite the clown  
 At least their water’s safe to drink while our seawater’s brown. 
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